Disclaimer:
This is based on a true story. The actual facts are few. After work Ielieke drove directly to the studio for salsa class, opened up the trunk of her car, and realized she forgot to pack a change of clothes. She had 10 minutes to get to the store, buy workout clothes and get back to the studio before class started.
The following is a slight embellishment….
The Bolton’s Dash
Ielieke Against the Odds
You tune in the television to the latest game show craze as the handsome host, Anthony is saying “Can our next contestant, Ielieke, (she is standing next to him in a parking lot – gives a quick smile and waves) make it through the aisles of Bolton’s (a nearby store), grab a workout outfit, try it on, and be back at the studio dressed and ready for her salsa class in 10 minutes flat? A year of free salsa lessons is at stake. Let’s watch…”
The suspense builds as it cuts to a commercial break from “Survivor – shopper series.” A teaser shows Ielieke encountering the store clerk who says, “Sorry – we close in 6 minutes.” – while a close-up of Ielieke’s face shows pure determination…followed by a Geico commercial with squirrels high-fiving each other.
“Maria” Andretti
“We’re back,” you hear the announcer say, …”and she’s off!” We see Ielieke driving down the center of the road as cars veer off to the left and right to get out of her way. Oh no! Grandma’s in the crosswalk! As Ielieke narrowly misses her, she tries to yell and her false teeth come flying out of her mouth. Little Fifi picked them up for her, so Grandma forgot all about Ielieke and gave chase.
Next we see smoke coming from the tires as Ielieke reaches the store and yanks the wheel to spin the car into the spot right in front of the entrance that was miraculously available…fishtailing the back end into a perfect park position! She’s out of the car before the engine even cuts off and we hear the music…it’s the wicked witch on the bicycle theme from the Wizard of Oz.
Better Off Dead
She runs through the front door and heads for women’s wear – but she has to go through the shoe department to get there. Can she resist the urge? (Her nickname is Imelda.) Here comes the store clerk – the Jaws theme plays with her approach. She distracts our lovely Ielieke from her temptation, but. there’s no way to get around her. She’s built like a tank, and she’s planted there with arms crossed. “Sorry – we close in 6 minutes, so you’ll have to make your way to the register now,” she says as she points in the direction of the cashier by the exit.
Next to this woman Ielieke looks like a little girl. But Ielieke has speed and agility on her side, and she manages to squeeze past her. She yells over her shoulder that she only needs a minute or two as she skids to a halt at the rack of leggings. The store clerk has steam coming out of her ears and sounds like a broken record thumping after Ielieke, “6 minutes…6 minutes…” – like the newspaper boy in Better Off Dead. Ielieke pulls a Clark Kent in the dressing room and exactly 3 minutes from the time she came into Bolton’s, she’s back in the car. A year of free salsa classes and a Danskin wardrobe for life are at stake…will she make it?
Another commercial – this time it’s a Shoprite Can-Can add…followed by a preview for the next episode of Shades of Blue…and now a steamy Calvin Klein commercial.
Tick tock, tick tock
We hear the Jeopardy theme as Ielieke navigates her way back to the studio; sweat dots her forehead. Someone puts on the left turn signal on in front of her. She can’t get by because there’s a soccer mom with a minivan unloading groceries in the shoulder. Ielieke bangs the steering wheel with the heel of her right hand…”Uuuuuggghhhh! Come on!!!” she yells to no one in particular.
Finally, she makes it there and has to circle for a parking spot. She’s in the door, and the bathroom is free, so she pulls another quick-change act. The clock reads 6:59:59 as she emerges from the bathroom dressed in her new outfit. She made it!!! “We are the Champions” plays and confetti falls from above…Ielieke is ecstatic…she screams and jumps for joy — a big ear-to-ear grin on her face. Her hair all wild and she looks like a crazy woman, but I think free salsa classes and a new wardrobe are probably worth it. Unexpectedly, she grabs Anthony and kisses our handsome host smack on the lips! Our host doesn’t seem to mind, either. Who knows – maybe that kiss will lead to something? Anthony regains his composure. As he wraps his arm around Ielieke’s shoulder, the camera zooms out slowly…then cuts to commercial.
The End.
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