I finished the Muckfest to benefit multiple sclerosis in a little over an hour. AND I’m happy to report I successfully navigated ALL the obstacles in the 3-mile course. Afterward, I hosed down for 15 minutes and thought I got all the mud off of me. But when I got home, my bathroom turned into a sandbox, and it took another hour to get the mud I couldn’t see out of my clothes. Anything white seemed permanently stained tan…(note to self – black underwear next time) and my shoes needed scrubbing. (You don’t have to go through this painstaking process – they will donate your shoes to people who need them and save you the trouble.) My hair was a whole other matter – but what a great time!
Kat runs Muckfest 2016 to benefit MS
Most of the obstacles had very little wait time, but I got held up for at least 10 minutes for my turn at “Flying Muckers” (a zip line that only zips you half-way across the water). By the time I got dunked, the mud I was covered with from the “Spill Hill” was crusted on me. But let’s start at the beginning….
Gathered in the “Muck Corral” just before our starting heat, we meet the really funny MC…whose job is to get people psyched and alleviate pre-race jitters. As he’s surveying the crowd, he spies her…shower cap lady! It was the perfect ammunition he needed, and he wasted no time singling her out. She was embarrassed, of course, but played along. What else could she do with all eyes on her, right? He told her that sadly, her shower cap wouldn’t last even five minutes, and she should just kiss it goodbye right now. After a brief protest he got her to surrender it…and even got her to dunk her head in the mud!
Another man had a shaved head, and since he was glistening in the sun…allegedly blinding our Muckfest MC…he was persuaded to put his noggin in the muck, too. Then he turned his attention to the rest of us. We ALL had to roll around in the muck before he let us start. I felt like a pig in a sty, but everyone laughed about it.
Our first obstacle was the “Triple Pits” – basically three muddy hills in a row that you first climb up and then slide down the other side into a pit of water and repeat. It’s here that I found a rock on the third butt slide and got a hole in the leg of my tights…probably one of the reasons I had so much mud everywhere…my tights were compromised!
Right after that you had to walk across a stretch of mud the width of a balance-beam, flanked by water pits, as “Big Balls” as tall as me are swung at you by malevolent Muckfest volunteers trying to knock you off your path. I could hear them laughing at us…
A short jaunt downhill and under the “Spider Web” that you will climb later, brings you to the “Tunnel of Love.” My knees didn’t really love this tunnel. It has no mud cushion and isn’t quite tall enough for me to crouch-walk through it. That handled you now face about a mile trek – mostly downhill – to the next obstacle. Of course where there’s a downhill, there’s always an uphill, I’m thinking.
At the base of the hill you confront two obstacles back-to-back. The first is “Muck Off.” You simply leap off a platform into about 10 ft. of water and haul yourself out the other side with the aid of a rope up a slippery plastic liner. (The rope haul is a recurring theme, you’ll see.) Now that your shoes are soaked again, they do a great job of collecting mud as you move on to the “Tightrope.” Navigating across this pit of water can be a challenge…even with the overhead rope to help you. A lot of mud on the tightrope makes for unsure footing. Then there’s the added variable of more than one person crossing at a time. If enough weight is on the rope, your feet submerge…another slippery prospect. Finally, if you aren’t tall enough to reach the rope above, you’re doomed.
Not that far away is the “Swing Set.” These are swinging platforms you use to launch yourself into another water pit The website posts an interesting description: “a standing swing launches you into the stratosphere before Mister Gravity intercedes and gives you an aquatic spanking.” You get to pull yourself out with another rope on the other side. If your timing is really good you do a lot less swimming.
Presently you arrive at “Shake and Quake,” where vibrating ramps traverse a water pit. Seems harmless enough. But since I was concentrating on the ramp, and there was no one in front of me to take notes on, I didn’t see the Muckfest volunteers waiting in the wings with fire hoses to blast you as you cross…big grins on their faces, I’m sure. They probably made bets who could knock someone off first. Their efforts to power-wash me off the ramp were in vain, however.
The next obstacle wasn’t in the course description. I call it “Mud Moguls.” On the left side, you jump in the water pit, climb the mud mound, jump into another water pit, and climb out. On the right side, you climb the mud mound, jump in the water pit, climb another mud mound, and move on. Your choice.
All of my fellow participants tackled one side or the other. But many of them tried to climb a mud mound from the water pits and slid back down unsuccessful. I knew there was a better way. So, I opted to zigzag from one mound of mud to the other. This task was difficult since we were soaked from the “Swing Set.” But I emerged triumphant and sprinted on! I hope someone followed my lead…they were really having a tough time of it. I think this is probably the most difficult obstacle to overcome successfully on the course.
Next was the “Spill Hill“…where you use a rope to get up a really steep hill of mud only to slide down the other side into another pit of water, and clamber up the mud hill on the other side with the aid of a rope…and maybe the helpful hand of the guy in front of you.
A short jog later you become “Flying Muckers.” But not before you wait 10-15 minutes to reach the platform. This was by far the most slow-moving Muckfest obstacle. (The mud moguls came in number two.) It is also the point in the race where I got a reality check. About 20 people wait line ahead of us when we arrive at the obstacle. As we wait, fifty people line up behind us. My friend and I are wearing bright orange shirts…and we are the only ‘orange shirts’ in the line at this point. As we’re chit chatting, a group of about 12 people in red EMS shirts came around the corner and, rather than file into the line, they stride up to join people in their group, who were a bit ahead of us.
As we’re discussing how rude this is, three people from our group (orange shirts) did exactly the same thing, and got behind us in line. About two minutes later a lot of orange shirts rounded the corner, and 20 or so of them decided the wait was too long. So they skipped this obstacle altogether and cut in front of people at the next one. I couldn’t hold my tongue. “Those 12 ‘red shirts’ up ahead cut in front of us. That was rude. At least there were only three of you….but look – there go 20 of our team to cut in front of people at the next obstacle. That’s REALLY rude and makes our team look bad.”
The three orange shirts behind us fell silent after that. They never re-joined us at any other obstacle either. I hope they will think twice next time. Meanwhile, the flying muckers ahead of us grabbed zip lines to traverse a really long pit of water. BUT, the zip line only takes you half-way. You have to let go, drop in the water, and swim the rest of the way to the edge and then use a rope to haul yourself out. The hold-up here was that people didn’t want to let go.
Right next door loomed “Mount Muck-imanjaro,” a really tall man-made mountain of rope netting you must climb up and then down. People seemed to have trouble flipping over to the other side…but no problem for this stray cat. And now we’re off…on that long, dreaded uphill I just knew was coming. First, we ran through tall grass banked at an annoying angle. Then we crossed a REALLY cold stream there was no way to avoid. And then we scrambled up the rather steep embankment on the other side. We emerged onto a road and continued steadily uphill for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually we broke through the trees, tried not to tumble down an unexpectedly short and steep downhill to arrive at….
“The Serpentine.” This obstacle escaped description on the Muckfest website, but a stake planted beside it told me what it was. I didn’t know what to do at this obstacle; it looked like a field with a black tarp over it, and twine stretched across it at various intervals. When I asked, the Muckfest volunteer said to crawl under the tarp from one side to the other. I discovered you could sort of see through the tarp, and there was more water than muck. So I wasted no time getting to the other side, and it was fun! The tarp just kind of massaged my head as I slithered through. I imagine I looked just like a snake. But if you didn’t pick your head up this could be a bit claustrophobic, and seeing the way out would be difficult.
Now you actually get to climb the “Spider Web.” This is similar to Mt. Muck-imanjaro, except it isn’t as tall, and the top is flat – about 25 feet across, before you come down the other side. There was one petrified woman on her stomach, moving along slower than an inchworm on the flat part. “You’ve got this; you’re almost there” I said as I crab-crawled across the rope netting around her. Meanwhile, people are running through the web underneath us, and there’s a guy with a telephoto lens taking close-ups of our faces above. I bet he got lots of footage of inch-worm lady.
Kat tackles the Abbvie Spinner at the New Jersey Muckfest to benefit MS
The next Muckfest obstacle is the “Abbvie Spinner.” Picture the blades of a helicopter with two gymnast rings hanging off each blade – that’s the Abbvie Spinner. The trick is to not let go as it spins you slowly around over yet another water pit. Let’s do a double somersault dismount…yeah, right!
Now I have reached the final three obstacles. First you get to play stunt-double! Hurl yourself off a platform about two stories high into a huge inflatable bubble below for your “Crash Landing.” The interesting thing with this one is your ascent at the back of the platform. There are two ladders to the right, and a really wide slide to the left. The slide is for those who chicken-out, I guess. But rather than use the ladders, (what fun would that be?) everyone chose to run UP the slide!
When you cross the finish line, Muck the Duck is there to pose with you for a picture. The muddier you are, the better the picture. So the final two obstacles at Muckfest work in conjunction to get you as muddy as possible, just before your coveted photo.
“Skid Mark” was my least favorite obstacle. Evil scientists thought this one up folks. You lie on your back and pull yourself through a mud pit using the rope overhead. Strong enough to do this without setting your butt or back into the mud? They’ve planned for that contingency. The rope stops halfway through and shifts over two feet. So you have to drop down to re-position yourself to continue….getting your whole back side muddy in the process. A bit of advice here: Don’t tuck your shirt in for this one – the mud goes right down. Take a moment and imagine that… I don’t know if you’d fare any better with it un-tucked, given that evil scientists designed it.
“Belly Crawl” is the final Muckfest hurdle. As you crawl through a tube half-full of mud…you see the light at the end of the tunnel. You emerge triumphant, totally covered in muck, and laughing about it. Now you’re ready to pose for that perfect picture. In addition to a T-shirt, you get a free beer (or soda/water) at the nearby watering hole. But all I want is a shower! Although I took home a little sunburn and a LOT of mud, I would definitely do it again. Muckfest rules!
Muckfest Photo credits:
Photographers staged throughout the course took all of the photos appearing in this post. They offered free downloads of them, too!